Jan 21, 2019
So things didn’t go as planned. In fact, you may be looking at
what seems like a colossal failure. It can be so challenging to
pick ourselves up after falling down (repeatedly) and being someone
known to “run enthusiastically in the wrong direction” I feel your
frustration. Sure it’s easy to give up and give in but here are 7
steps I’ve found really helpful to get back up again.
- Acknowledge it: Trying to pretend like it
didn’t happen may seem like a worthy goal but it’s a recipe for
prolonged pain. Here’s where the saying “what we resist, persists”
comes in really handy. By facing it, acknowledging it and looking
at it squarely, you’re able to see it clearly. Only when we can see
things clearly are we able to learn and grow from what we’ve
- Ruminate don’t marinate: The process of
rumination is when we go over an experience in order to make sense
out of the situation. This can be really helpful to a degree. Once
we’ve made sense out of it, it’s important to move to the next step
before we start marinating in it. Ruminate for too long and it
becomes a very comfortable and familiar space and that’s not where
you want to stay. Use the information to see why something
happened, possibly see what areas need to change for next time, but
get out of that space before it’s too cozy to leave.
- Learn from it: An experience is useless unless
we learn the lesson it left in its wake. Did you learn you needed
more support, more time, more direction or different resources? Do
you see that the timing was off, your boundaries weren’t specific
enough or there was a challenge with communication? Here’s where
we’re usually really hard on ourselves but try to approach this by
speaking with yourself how you’d speak with a friend. I’m sure you
wouldn’t berate your friend, telling him/her how dumb their idea
was and why they deserved to have it fail, so don’t do that to
yourself. Love, compassion, and patience are what’s needed for this
- Try a different approach: A willingness to
change and doing something different is the only way to bring about
a different result. It could be a different approach, a different
method, a different level of support or even a different level of
thinking. Changing how you think/act/react will ensure a different
result next time.
- New rules: So you’ve looked squarely at your
experience, learned from it, and know what you need to do
differently next time. Now it’s time to create some new rules if
not for others, for yourself. What do you insist upon this time?
What’s a deal breaker and what needs to be in place before you
invest your time, money, effort and energy again? Do you need to
know your idea is divinely inspired, more strategically coordinated
or better timed? Get those rules set so you’re clear. It’ll also
give you more confidence when you try again.
- Forgive: Resentment is one of the most
physically and emotionally destructive emotions we can have. It
suppresses your immune system, creates accelerated aging and wreaks
havoc on your body and mind. Whether that means forgiving yourself
or forgiving the person who hurt you or let you down, forgiving and
letting go of that resentment helps you let go of the pain and
clear the space for a new beginning.
- Trust the process: I know it can seem like
nothing ever goes your way and you’re destined to spend a lifetime
trying to get it right but the reality is, the universe is
conspiring in your favor. Believe that, trust the process and watch
it eventually unfold.
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