Jul 30, 2021
Unhealed betrayal can affect you physically, mentally, and emotionally, taking a toll on your daily life and even manifesting itself in your business.
So, how do you know if your emotional baggage is impacting your work? Are there tell-tale signs you must watch out for?
I am Dr. Debi Silber and welcome to another insightful episode of A Dose of Dr. Debi.
Today, I’ll be discussing how unhealed betrayal can sabotage you and prevent you from reaching your goals. You will also learn how to identify the barriers to your success so you can overcome them.
Hi there, Dr. Debi here with another Dose of Dr. Debi. So, you know I always talk about betrayal and how it impacts us physically, mentally and emotionally and it affects our, our health, our work, or relationships? So today I want to talk about seven ways in which unhealed betrayal is impacting your business. It's common to think that a betrayal of a family member, partner, friend, or coworker impacts us personally. Here are seven ways in which unhealed betrayal is impacting your business.
1: Confidence. Think about it, a betrayal shatters our confidence, one minute we can feel safe and secure then a painful discovery of betrayal can shatter that sense of safety in an instant. Think about how that impacts your business if confidence is shattered. How comfortable are you asking for the sale, asking for the raise, introducing yourself at a networking event, or making a call to someone you're hoping to collaborate with? Confidence is crucial in business and without it, it's really, really challenging to convey your message in a way that you want it to come across.
2: An unhealed betrayal dramatically impacts your health and level of energy. Once the stress response is ignited from this type of pain, you're headed for just about every single stress-related symptom, illness, condition, disease. Some of the most common symptoms left in the wake of a betrayal are digestive issues, and by that, I mean anything from Crohn’s, IBS, colitis, constipation, diarrhea, you name it. Extreme exhaustion, brain fog, mental confusion, insomnia, anxiety, sadness, anger and depression too. That's just to name a few. So, managing these symptoms while managing your business, in addition to any other responsibilities you may have like raising your kids running your household, taking care of elderly parents, can make running a thriving business, near impossible.
3: Body. One of the most common physical symptoms of an unhealed betrayal is weight. As of now, we've had about 25,000 people take the Post Betrayal Syndrome quiz to see to what extent they're struggling, and 47% of them have weight changes. In the very beginning, maybe they can't hold food down. Later on, they may be using food for comfort. So, while immediately after that painful discovery, it may be really impossible to hold food down, after that you're using food as the way to soothe, calm, numb, relax. It's a way to self-medicate from the pain that the betrayal can cause. The stress alone can drive fat storage, particularly around your midsection. So, think about doing videos, speaking, networking, or any other aspect of your business that requires you to be seen. Not feeling comfortable in your own skin, means you're not putting yourself out there the way you need to, and it's affecting the amount of people who know about you and what you do.
4: Self-esteem. A betrayal shatters our self-esteem, along with our sense of worthiness. Because betrayal feels so intentional, we take it so personally. So, this direct hit, has us questioning, our very worth. So, imagine how that impacts your business. If you don't feel a profound sense of worthiness, it shows in the way you speak and communicate who and what you do. And if you don't believe in yourself, how can anyone else? the direct. This directly impacts how many people are convinced that you are the one that can help them in the very specific way they need. Without your own conviction, how can anyone else feel convinced that you can help them?
5: Ability to trust another person is a big one. One of the most profound implications of a betrayal is the shattering of trust. After we've been betrayed, we don't trust in others and we hardly trust ourselves. We question ourselves asking: “How do we not know this?” “How can I be so blind?” “How did I not see this coming?” So, think about it, when we don't trust ourselves, we don't trust in our decisions, and we don't trust in our own judgment. This makes it challenging to know if we're making healthy or unhealthy business decisions. We also lose our trust in others, so we're afraid to be a team player, do joint venture or collaborative projects and we question: “If the person I trusted the most proved untrustworthy, how can I trust that boss/collaborative partner/JV partner If I don't know them nearly as well?”
6: Beliefs. Your belief system is formed by the repetition of something someone said enough times that eventually, it became your belief. It doesn't make it right, it doesn't make it true. It doesn't make it anything, but yours. It makes it your belief. If you've been betrayed, this breaking of the spoken or unspoken message often leaves us with the belief that we're not valued, not enough, not capable enough, lovable enough, just plain enough. And, we have between 60,000 to 80,000 thoughts a day, with about 80% of those thoughts being negative. Imagine how a negative belief system is affecting you. From the thoughts you think to the actions you take, if your belief system has you feeling you're unworthy undeserving or lacking in some way, how is that impacting the way you speak with prospects or the way you're getting your message out to others? You see how this all works?
7: Finances. When you add up all of the ways that an unhealed betrayal impacts you physically, mentally and emotionally, it's so easy to see how it's going to affect just about every area of life. It impacts your performance, your ability to convey your message with conviction and confidence, the energy you have to convey that message, and ultimately, your finances. I mean sure, it may drive you to that whole “I'll show them” kind of emotion as you dive into your work in order to create financial abundance. But when that soil, that desire it’s birthed from is negative, that satisfaction from it is short-lived. You'll hear me say this over and over and over again.
Awareness is the first step towards making changes, and the gift in a traumatic experience, (yes I said gift) is that transformation-you becoming a healthy, healed, whole and complete upgraded version of you is waiting on the other side of your trauma. That version never would have emerged had it not be from the experience. So, with going through something painful, the worst of it happened already. You owe it to yourself to heal. You want to fuel it with a healthy desire to fully heal. And when you do, watch your body, your mind and your business transform.
It's a really good opportunity to take a look at your business, or how you're showing up at work, and see how your betrayal is impacting you. Here's the thing, it could have happened decades ago, but take a look and ask, is it showing itself in my confidence, is it showing itself in my health, is it showing itself in the way I put myself out there? It likely is showing itself in some way, even if it's in those stress-related symptoms, illnesses, conditions, even disease.
I remember working with a woman who was very stressed. She was coming to me for weight loss, and everybody was losing a kind of predictable amount of weight each week. Well, she wasn't. And then she said; “You know, I'm really going through a hard time, I need to take a break” which was totally fine. She came back a month later when the stress was down, and she said; “You know, the weirdest thing was, I didn't change anything about my eating and I lost seven pounds this month!” I'll never forget that and what it really showed was when your body feels that need to hang on to that weight, if it's holding on to it to protect you in some way, or if you just have cortisol just raging through your system, and it's driving fat storage to your middle, it’s going to keep weight on.
So much of the reason why the weight stays there has to do with the thoughts we think, the stress we're under. So take a look at all of it, and see how is your stress is impacting you. How is your unhealed betrayal impacting you, and how is it showing up in your business?
If you liked this episode, be sure to subscribe, rate and review and if Trust Again: Overcoming Betrayal and Regaining Health, Confidence and Happiness would be something that you're interested in, you can get the first chapter from me. You can find it here. If you want the whole book, get it from this link because then when you get it from Amazon and come back to this link, I give you the most amazing bonuses to go with it. You can find Trust Again Here.
Thanks so much for being here, for being a part of A Dose of Dr. Debi as part of the From Betrayal to Breakthrough podcast, and I'll see you next time.