Jun 18, 2021
Our thoughts quickly become our beliefs when we reinforce them with our feelings. In turn, these beliefs become our reality. They can affect us profoundly in so many ways and drive the things we do.
You might be left wondering, is there a way to alter your perception? Can you possibly train your mind to think differently? The answer might surprise you.
I’m Dr. Debi Silber, and welcome to another exciting episode of “A Dose of Dr. Debi.” Today, we will be discussing how you can be intentional when making conclusions about yourself and your life.
Hi there, Dr. Debi here with A Dose of Dr. Debi. So today I want to talk about beliefs and here's why. I had a conversation with one of our members in The PBT Institute just yesterday, and she was talking about having this great sense of unworthiness. It’s been plaguing her whole life and she's in her 50s. For the last 50 something years, she's always felt unworthy, and she's wondering if she could ever change how she feels. The answer is absolutely 100%, yes you can. But first, we need to look at our beliefs. Here's the thing, your beliefs are no more than the repetition of an idea from someone you trust. Someone that you trusted (a parent, teacher, someone in a religious capacity) said something to you enough times, and it became your belief.
You may have taken it on and kept repeating it to yourself when they stopped saying it. It doesn't make it good or bad. It doesn't make it right or wrong. It doesn't make it true, but it makes it yours. And once these beliefs are laid down, we don't question them. But what happens is, it doesn't start as a belief. It starts as a thought, and the meaning we give to something fuels it and can turn it into a belief that serves us or not.
These beliefs are formed from something mild to something traumatic. I'm going to give you an example of something that could have been mild, but can be turned into something that can play you your whole life until you're aware of it. Let's say you're a little kid and you had some earth-shattering news to share with your mom. You race into the kitchen and she's on the phone, so she “shushes” you. For her, it didn't mean anything. But at that moment you could have made that to mean, “I don't matter.” And then you know what you do? You take that thought, and then you feed it. You fuel it with some emotion, you put some feeling behind it. You keep thinking about it over and over — you add more feeling, more emotion, and your mind wants to prove you right. So when you've done that enough times, your mind thinks: “Oh I didn't realize you wanted to keep this going. No worries, I'll just stick this in your subconscious and keep it running as a subconscious program. You go about your business.”
Now we have between 60 to 80,000 thoughts a day. The majority of them are negative. If you have some version of, “I don't matter,” or “I'm not worthy,” running as a subconscious program throughout your day, can you see how that's going to show up? It shows up in what you do, in what you say, how you act, how you interact, how you react, what you wear, and what you eat and all of it. And what happens is the longer we do that, it becomes who we are. Then we will constantly find confirming evidence to support it. We have relationships that support it, we make decisions that support it and it becomes who we are.
So what I wanted to give to you today was a way to see what's under the hood here. What are these subconscious beliefs and behaviors that may be holding you back? Because it's not what you consciously think; these are subconscious beliefs and behaviors that are driving every single thing you do. If you’ve ever seen a picture of an iceberg, only about 10% is above the surface, 90% is below. What's wrecking the ship, if you were to crash into it, it's not the 10% above, it's that 90% below. What's taking you off course from where you want to be is that 90% below.
Here's something I want you to write down:
When you have some time, free flow that and see what shows up. Whatever shows up, those are your limiting beliefs. Once you've done that, find the one that gives you the biggest emotional charge, like maybe you wrote, “I'm so lazy”, or “I'll never get out of debt,” whatever it is for you. The one that really gives you that charge, encircle it. So now you know that's the biggest one you want to work on.
The next step would be this. Some people like affirmations, I kind of have a little bit of an issue with some of the affirmations that people are saying because here's what happens. If your mind can't grab hold of it, it will just kick it out. For example, there's a 300-pound woman, and she says, “I'm a lean, mean fighting machine,” and then her mind is like “No you're not”, and kicks the thought right out. But let's just say it's true that that 300-pound woman is eating healthier every day. Every time she says “I'm so fat,” when she gets dressed, “I'm so fat,” when she sees herself in the mirror, “I'm so fat”. Whenever she can catch herself thinking “I'm so fat”, what if instead, she says: “Wait a second, I'm eating healthier every day. I'm eating healthier every day.” If she were to just say the opposite of “I’m a lean mean fighting machine”, then her mind thinks: “No you're not.” But if she catches herself (and she's only going to catch herself a fraction of the time) — but if she catches herself when she says: “I'm so fat. Wait a second. I'm eating healthier every day. I'm eating healthier every day.”
What happens there is, you start laying down these tracks in your brain when you repeat something over and over and over and over. If every time she catches herself saying; “I'm so fat” and she says instead: “Wait a second. I'm eating healthier every day. I'm eating healthier every day. I'm eating healthier every day.” What's happening is that she's forming and creating a new neural track, a new belief. Over time, the old “I'm so fat” loses its charge as the new belief starts to take over. She's laying down a new track and then from there, “I’m eating healthier every day” becomes the new belief until she can do the next one. I call those bridges, and we do that within The PBT Institute and it works beautifully for people. If you can't come up with something for the one that gave you the greatest charge, here’s another idea. Let’s say the one with the biggest emotional charge was, “I'll never get out of debt.”
You insert possibility. That can be your bridge, and it would sound something like this. When you find yourself thinking: “I'll never get out of debt,” you say: “What if I can?” You didn't say, “I'm rich,” which the mind would have a hard time grabbing onto. What you did instead was you inserted possibility. So if that bill comes in and it triggers: “I'll never get out of debt,” what if you insisted and you reminded yourself to say: “What if I can?” “What if I can?” “What if I can?” “Wait a second, what if I can?” Do you see? With repetition and consistency, the old belief of “I'll never get out of debt” loses its charge. The bridge of possibility “What if I can?” takes over and you're laying down a new track.
Now, how do you know what your beliefs are? You can write those things down that I said earlier:
Take a look around your environment. Everything you have right now is a living breathing example of the beliefs you have. Your beliefs took you right here to where you are. It's a representation of the beliefs you hold. So, if you want something very different, it's going to take a new set of beliefs. It has to be intentional. It has to be on purpose. This doesn't happen. Just as if you don't have muscles, and all of a sudden, you want to have this very different physique. You're going to have to work out at the gym and create a new workout routine. You need a different mind routine. So with repetition and consistency, you're going to have to be ruthless every time that old belief comes up. You're going to have to insert that belief.
You can wear a rubber band around your wrist, and every time you say the old belief, you snap it. Not to hurt you, but to remind you to insert that new bridge. Here's what I recommend. Write down:
Do a brain dump of everything that shows up.
Encircle the one that gives you the greatest emotional charge.
From there, create that bridge — that believable statement you can insert and hang on to long enough so that the old belief loses its charge.
The new bridge takes over and becomes the new belief until you can create something new.
That's it for today. So with that please subscribe, rate, review, and if you would like a chapter of Trust Again: Overcoming Betrayal and Regaining Health, Confidence and Happiness which is my book which walks you through the five stages from betrayal to breakthrough, teaches the four-step trust rebuilding process, my very vulnerable stories in there, all of it. If you just want to sample it just to see, what you're going to do is click here and it's yours. If you want the book and great bonuses, you can get that here.
Please tell everybody you know about the show if this would serve them, The from Betrayal to Breakthrough podcast, A Dose of Dr. Debi. I'll see you next time. Bye.